Being a Bag Lady and the Power of Suggestion.

Dear Readers,

Being a bag lady
On Thursday, I basically rolled out of bed and went to work. Quite literally. No wait, let me emphasise the extreme hidden faux pas in that sentence. I rolled out of bed, and DIDN’T CHOOSE NICE CLOTHES to wear to work. I basically wore my black gym leggings and a black ‘long’-butterfly-cut tshirt. I scrunched up my hair in a bun and wore my brown pokka dot hairband..makeup-less and went to work.

Which is totally fine, especially when I work in a family business, and I don’t get expose to many non-family members. But the problem came when I unexpectedly had to go to the bank, and go grocery shopping. And I thought to myself, “Omg…i’m the bag lady!” The last time I pulled a similar faux-pas was 2 years ago in Singapore, where I didn’t care what I was wearing, wore my red jogging pants, a t-shirt and a jean jacket to class. Denise was so shocked, she said, “omg, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU! You look like a nanny!”

haha, so on Thursday, I did it again. Which, sometimes I feel there is some liberation in thinking, “who cares! As long as I’m comfortable with myself I’m feeling great!” Or, “Screw what the fashionistas say! I’m wearing my leggings out!” But at the same time, I feel hideous ugly, and I think to myself, why oh why did I wear this out.

I’ll always remember this quiz from Seventeen Magazine, where they asked,

“Which is the best time to put on makeup?  is it..

A. When you are on a date at an amusement park with that special friend of yours?…or
B.  When you are walking your dog?…or..
C.  When you know you are going to bump into your current crush?

The answer, dear ladies and gents, is letter B.
i.e., whenever wherever you go out, you must look fabulous because you never know who you can bump into.

So thus, my defiance on style ( and common sense), really was a huge shaft to this whole “2009-is-the-year-I’m-going-to-date” theme. Which, by the way, is going nowhere. Partially because, I’m apparently suppose to find someone with similar values, similar tastes? And  if I like being at home, and not going out. Then he also likes being home and not going out. So we are both at our separate homes. And we’ll never meet! Fantastic!

Anyways back to being a bag lady, Thursday really reminded me of my mom’s best friend, Aunt Lily. I don’t want to be Aunt Lily (typically homemaker, who puts everyone before herself, wears her husbands clothes, and ties her hair up in a very retro high pony..hmm..pony-bun.) Argh! Really scary. Will make an effort to never have a bag lady episode again.

The Power of Suggestion
On another note, yesterday morning, I got up, washed my face, and as usual, draped my towel over my full length mirror. Walked away, and the mirror FELL TO THE GROUND, SMASHING INTO MILLIONS OF PIECES. and I was so shocked. Upset and shocked. But as if in some form of denial, I just closed my bedroom door; went downstairs to eat my breakfast, then baked Ma Lai Goh (Chinese steam cake). Only 1 hour later, I walked upstairs with the vacuum cleaner, picked up all the big pieces, hid the mirror from sight, and now all those pieces are hiding underneath my bedside table. I’m hoping to throw it away when nobody is looking.

And as I was cleaning up my mess, I really feel that people like me, we shouldn’t be given expensive full length mirrors. We should be given those sticker mirrors, just like what Barbie gets. Sure, the image is a bit distorted, but it is around there, and I’d be able to get a rough idea of how my outfit looks like. *sigh*

Clumsies like me, we aren’t allowed full length mirrors, nor are we allowed FRAMELESS GLASSES (I broke my pair again last month.) I guess we are doomed to wear those hideous ugly thick rimmed plastic glasses, extremely ugly, but extremely durable. Boo.

And you know how they say, if you break a mirror, you’ll have SEVEN years of bad luck? Forget that! I broke a mirror and I’m not going to have any bad luck because of it! The power of suggestion is so strong, maybe that’s why that superstition lasted so long. Because, If I break a mirror, and the whole day I carry on like, “omg, I broke a mirror, I’m going to have bad luck”  Then I would just be carrying a huge “GIVE ME BAD LUCK!!” energy, and then of course I would get bad luck. (naturally.)

The power of suggestion is killer strong. The other day I was asked to give a tarot reading for a friend. And he is going to start school, worried about his new life, in a new country, new environment. And I have to say, all cards were reversed (not a good). So what I did, was turn the cards over, kinda read the meaning of each card, but put my Stacy-positive-spin on things, and basically said everything he wanted to hear.

I felt like a Thai-fortune teller. It is such an easy profession. Just look into your customers big yearning eyes and guess what things would make them happy, tell them, do all this hoola-hoola nonsense speak and ta da! You get a big tip!

So I basically told him,

Re: Academics: “School will be difficult, but if you work very hard, it will pay off, so remember when exams are hard, or your assignments are tough, JUST DO IT, put all your energy into it, and you will get rewards later.”

Re: Love “Maybe you’ll meet someone in school, but you will also be studying really hard so not sure if you have time for her, but maybe she is your classmate” (CLASSIC)

Re: Life in General “You are going through  a lot of changes now, but you are strong, and will survive”

So cheers to positivity! I hope that that set him in the right direction. Hee hee, I feel so naughty, but at the same time, he has to think positive so that he can make his new life positive.

Maybe I should make a part-time career as a fortune teller in this case, any one up for a reading?
Stacy

I’m in 100% control of my own destiny.

Dear Readers,

I was hanging up my skirt (yes starting to hang up clothes…they are starting to pile..). As I opened my closet door, “Stacy’s 2009 Resolutions” appeared right in my face (I like to stick things on my walls/closet). 

I read through all my resolutions, and my affirmation bugs me a bit…

I’m in 100% control of my own destiny

I mean…I kinda am, but I kinda am not?

For example, say I really really liked this one person, and wished for something to come out of it, and did everything in my shy power to see it happen…it ended up not happening. It takes 2 hands to clap right?  Where is the 100% control then?

Or another example, this job thingy, really wanted it…worked hard getting it, did all the necessary/required homework for it. and it just wasn’t in the cards?

It wasn’t in the cards…

I guess that sums it up.   

This whole week I’ve been bitter about this bollocks 100% control of my own destiny thingy. And now I am kinda realising that I have been misinterpretting the whole thing. Destiny is fate and chance. Whereas I used to (up until 1 minute ago) define destiny as what I want.

Its quite a conflicting affirmation to have, because on one hand because I have 100% control – meaning that I direct what my future will be. But on the other hand, the inherent nature of destiny – meaning that my future is somewhat in the hands of fate and chance.

Can I  just say what I want and it will manifest itself?

Can I state what I want, do all the necessary steps to set myself up for an opportunity then  that said opportunity will manifest itself? but if it’s not meant to be…will it never manifest itself? ever?

Today, Pam wrote me an email that helped me put things in perspective (thanks babe!) I’m not going to somehow magically change my mood to positivity and dust all the saddness under the carpet. Because, like Pam says, its human to feel sad.  When I’m done with that, I’ll just pick myself up and start focusing again.

I’m going to make an active decision to try to think the best of whatever comes about, and if my emotions do sway, then I’ll just ride the tide.

Resolution 10: I am happy with life and open to the world.

Goodnight and thanks for reading ,
Stacy

Pre-Chinese New Year Haircuts

Dear Readers,

As a custom, I went to have my hair cut before Chinese New Year. Lately its been very dragging and huge, so much so that I usually hide it in a pony tail.

Meeting my hairdresser is always a joy, especially since I’ve lost weight. Today he complimented that I look prettier! and have a nicer body shape (thank you!). And because of this weight loss, I was FINALLY able to layer my hair so that my long bangs end mid-cheek. I was a bit shocked when he proposed to layer my hair starting that point,

Stacy: Really? Will it look pretty? (in my ghetto speak thai)

Hair Dresser: Yes! You can do it now because you are skinnier.

Wah..fabulous.

He always has something nice to say, just like a few months ago, when he noticed that I was no longer pregnant. I can so vividly recall him saying: “You have no more….*handmotion over his stomach like a baby bump* baby!”

When he was cutting my hair I told him he could go shorter, like around my shoulder?..and he happily just cut cut cut away. I should really be more vocal. I felt like saying , “Hey Buddy. enough is enough!” But instead, I sat there biting my bottom lip.

He cut away all my curls, but he gave my hair some movement, so it looks somewhat wavy? I guess that was what he was going for.

And as he was just about finished blow-drying my hair he says, “hmm…not pretty.”

HE ACTUALLY SAID THAT! <– lol, WHAT!?!?!?!

He says my personality suits curls more, and asks me to come back for the ultimate hairkiller – 3 hours of perming and highlighting. (double duty damage!) all for 3,500baht!

…

But I like my hair, its different than the usual mane I wear, and I’ve lived with curls for the past 2 years, so I suppose it’s time for something new. But then again…after dinner I couldn’t stand it, took out my curling iron and gave myself loose ringlets again.

hmm…

Anyways, cheers to the Year of the Ox and for new beginnings!
Stacy

September 8th goes down in history as a downright disappointing day.

During my first morning meeting, (one of many) I wrote down in my notebook ‘2008/09/08′ and thought to myself, today is going to be a good day. (Obviously right, what 8th days are not good?)

Anyhoo, we had a super huge lunch. I cannot explain how huge, but I actually ate rice (big deal) and I did this because I knew that I’d be playing Tennis today. Note: I’ve noticed what a significant difference it makes when I don’t just eat yoghurt for lunch.

I checked online that Murray beat Nadal, YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOOO FEDERER! So I was in an extremely high energy tennis mood, despite this, the weather didn’t agree with me.  Dark and grey cloudy skies.

Tennis was good and fun, I borrowed my brother’s Prince racket, so I assumed that it would be magical and transform my ground strokes to power ripping shots. Needless to say, the power and skill lies in the player.

I felt the first drop of rain on my skin, immediately glanced to Dad, and said, “Dad, It’s raining!” He waved and smiled and told me to finish the basket (we hired a tennis hitter). I felt like…if I remember correctly…the Gross-Jean Vs Roddick match at Wimbledon, when it was raining and obviously dark and they just kept on playing, until Gross-Jean slipped and cursed the umpire.  We ended tennis 5 minutes later.

Went to the gym, had a body aching work out, and then did 8 amazing minutes of grocery shopping (the type where I’m sliding and running down aisles)…Had a happy chat with Mom and Dad on the way home…

And here it comes…we get home, I see my LSE exam results in an envelope on the coffee table.

WHAT A GOOD DAY TO RECEIVE EXAM RESULTS!!! The gods must be shining on me!!

I got Greg, Mom and Dad to stand behind me while I opened it.

Pulled out the white paper…took a look at the results….

….

…

….

Let’s just say that something is wrong with the LSE exam markers, because not to sound like the most prissy perfectionist bitch in the world…BUT..I did not deserve those grades. I’m an honest and realistic student, I work hard and usually after every exam I can accurately guess my result with a margin of +/- 3 points. Not TWENTY FIVE!!

I seriously believe something went wrong with the marking, or maybe that the Bangkok British Council (damn them!) did not submit all the booklets I wrote.

One thing I will never get to shake off: Picture this scenario. – A moment of after the Management exam -

***

I’ve written 3 booklets.

The invigilator has no string to tie them together. I ask her to go to her room to get it…

Sloppy Invigilator..tugging the booklets..: No it’s okay, I will do it for you when I go inside the office.

Me..grip tight…: No, I rather you bring it here please so I can see it tied together

Sloppy Invigilator..tug tug…: No no no, don’t worry, I will do it for you.

Me: Sure? (smiling)

Sloppy Invigilator: Yes

Me..iron strong hold…: Are you sure? (cringing)

Sloppy Invigilator..final big pull..: Yes very sure (agitated but smiling. that’s Thailand, service with a bitter smile)

***

Me now: Blogging in anger and with regrets.

Boo.

BOO!

To all UOL/LSE External exam takers, heed my advice:

1. Always write down the exact question numbers that you submitted on your exam booklet, and in your journal/notebook for safe keeping after the exam.

2. Always check and double check your candidate number and all those other nitty gritty details.

3. Always stare at the invigilator collecting the exam paper.

4. Always MAKE SURE THOSE DAMN BOOKLETS ARE TIED TOGETHER WHEN YOU SUBMIT!!!!

After a very sweet pep talk with my parents, and with some friends. I know i know that the exam results are not a reflection of myself (by far).  And at the end of the day, I am graduating LSE with Bsc in Accounting and Finance with a Second Upper classification.

Dad says, “it’s a step away from 1st class”. I said, EXACTLY!  I was so upset that I cried. As I was wiping the tears from my cheeks, I hear a voice in my head: “Oh, so you are a typical type A, aren’t ya?” (a very wise friend said this exact sentence to me a few months back when she was visiting)

Yes. I am an overachiever. I am EXPECTED TO OVERACHIEVE.

Thus why, September 8th 2008 goes down in history as a downright disappointing day.

Bah humbug.