The grass may seem greener on the other side…

Dear Readers,

‘The grass may seem greener on the other side, but it’s actually the same type of grass.’
                                                                                                                                            – Stacy

Love it! quoted and coined!

Keeping with the positivity,
Stacy

Happy Birthday Vic!!!!

Dear Readers,

I am the middle child in my family, in total there are 5 children, so thats one big brother, one big sister, one baby sister and one baby brother – big family.

Today is my big sister – Vicki’s birthday.

You know, I think I was born with one life mission – to irritate Vick. hahaha and I say this in the most loving way. I definitely shook off that mission a few years back, but looking at child hood photos, you always see my laughing in the background and Vic with the most stressed out face. I’m so naughty!

I really admire her, she always wanted to be an airstewardess, and now that’s what she is doing. Living out her dreams.  And we have become closer this year (distance really does apparently make the heart grow fonder! haha she really loves and misses me now!! yay!!! no more irritating Stacy!!!)

I think she had an amazing year last year, and I wish that she gets everything she wants this year.

Happy Birthday to you Vic, thanks for putting up with me all these years. Wish that all your dreams come true and that happiness keeps on flowing into your life.

Everybody please send your positive thoughts and wishes to my big sister Vic!

Happy Birthday Vic!
Stacy

Brick walls are meant to be climbed

Dear Readers,

I bit the bullet today.  Did something completely out of character.

I emailed the HQ of the bank – to request for a further look-into my application, and to give feedback about my  experience with their HK recruitment division.

Why out of character?

I’m the type of person who accepts rejection. I dislike persistency.

When it comes to work —> What? We didn’t get it? okay don’t worry move on and let’s focus on another avenue…
When it comes to love —>  hmm…I’m not going to call him if he doesn’t want to speak to me, why beg?

You know, I really never ever want to be the type of girl who says (when it comes to matters of the heart)

What? what do you mean we aren’t compatible? what do you mean I’m not your type? PLLLEAASE think about it.

Ugh. Never done it, but sometimes I sit back and regret that I didn’t. Something to do with having lots of pride (my downfall) but I am definitely not one to grovel.  Persistent men scare me.

That’s why today was so un-me to write an email to the HQ. I was rejected, why can’t I just accept it and move on?
I can’t because I feel that I was unfairly treated and because of ONE 小气 (petty) woman, my whole career gets thrown off track? Freaking bi!*%h!!!

Some of my friends  in the industry, were concerned that I was thinking too much about this job (too positive), they asked me not to put so much heart into it because I didn’t know anyone in the bank. Didn’t have any connections. I told them that that was silly because its a large well-known professional bank, a bank that believes in meritocracy/technocracy, they would consider me like any other candidate. *sigh* I’m a naive greenhorn.

I guess one disadvantage of being raised by 100% fully supportive positive thinking parents, is that when I did get the rejection email, their response was:

WHAT? They must be crazy! Something must be wrong? How can they NOT want you?? Must be the lady!!!
Rather than the typical. ‘That’s life, move on and apply for another job’  response.

I emailed the HK Recruitment team last week to clarify any misunderstanding (she thinks im greedy…what in the hell..) and to ask for her to reconsider and put me through to an interview with the business manager. As usual – no response.I was just going to leave it at that. But last night, I was reading Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture (RIP) and the excerpt that caught me was:

“I called the admissions office until they eventually decided they might as well accept me. They saw how badly I wanted in. Tenacity got me over the brick wall”
p.171, the Last Lecture – Randy Pausch

 

What do I have to lose right? At most I’ll be blacklisted from a company that didn’t want me in the first place.  Never give up. And as Wayne Gretzky once quoted,  “You miss 100% of the shots you never take”

 So took that shot, probably nothing will come out of it, but at least I gave it my all, and I did all I could possibly do to try to get hired by this bank. Yes I grovelled, yes I begged.

As Yeen Yee so nicely puts it (she says its verbatim from The Last Lecture, but I scanned the book, haven’t seen it, so I’m quoting her ;p)

Brick walls are meant to be climbed

I’ve been facing quite a few brick walls lately. All this time I’ve been banging my head against these brick walls, but today was the start of a new perspective.
Now, the trick is figuring out ways to climb them.

I guess I have to get a grapple? is that what it’s called?
Stacy

Writing a Love List – advice from a hopeful.

Dear Readers,

Wow, I am just really surprised that I got 62 hits on my blogsite just from my short brief post of  “How to get lucky in love“

There are alot of us out there looking and hoping to get lucky in love. And if you did read the article, there was a brief mention of writing a love list.

When I googled “how to write a love list” , there wasn’t much material on the topic. So here I go, contributing to the magic ‘How To’s’ DIY Love articles .

Check out these two articles on Oprah.com
The Love List  (really lovely story)
The Truth about Magic Lists

My previous Love List
So, thinking back, I do have my own personal experience with writing  a love list.  It was back in … 2002, when Rita, Heather, Andrea and I -  sat down and listed 99 qualities of our ideal man.

Most were really silly like:

11. is tall (er) <–(note: for Rita and I, this isn’t a demanding requirement at all)
12. know some magic tricks
47. know how to play guitar, or be able to serenade
or..
68. have eyes that pierce into the deepest depths of our soul (Heather made that one)

And at the bottom of the list, we wrote
For candidates who have a score below 95 – Don’t bother us.
For candidates who have a score of 95 – 99 – Date-able.
For candidates who have a 99 score – Marriage proposal expected.

hahah or something to that extent. And we printed the list in colour, and taped it on our dorm-room doors. I bet it scared all the men away. 

hahaha…good times…good times…

I think it was 3 years back when I realised, you know what? screw lists! I have to be more open minded about who I date, not if he isn’t this…isn’t that. Who cares?  Love should be unconditional and non-judgemental.

Correct, non?

My thinking is, if there is a list or..criteria…then..there is bound to be  some men who are splendid and wonderful (LADIES – think positive, THEY MUST EXIST!!!) that fall outside my criteria range. <–because I might not know what I really want.  And in that case, they will be  ignored?

So since then, I don’t really have a distinctive ‘type’ of man in mind. All I request is for him to be caring, loveable, and geeky.

Anyways, back to writing the love list. The point I was getting at, is up to this moment, Mr.Ideal from 2002, has never surfaced. The reason for this was because back then, the list was quite shallow…

Getting in the right mind-set…realising what we really want in that special someone.
According to that Oprah article, our inner-self has  3 overlapping circles. (like this diagram) 

1. The Shallows 
2. The Ring of Fire
3. The Core of Peace

(STOP ROLLING YOUR EYES. )

If you ask me, that article is damn bloody confusing. I found a much better article to explain it, click here

Stacy’s interpretation of unclear new age lingo:
The Shallows - we want more money, we want to drive a better looking car, date rich people, date slim girls (ARGH I CANT BELIEVE PEOPLE POST THAT AS A REQUIREMENT IN THE PERSONAL ADS!!!!) Getting the drift? Everything concerned here is surface level only. We are defined by what we own, what we are in terms of our career.  At this level,  we chase material items to increase our happiness.

The Ring of Fire - An emotional process we have to go through. Literally, some form of hell, some sort of loss that will shake us up and make us realise our core of peace. 

The Core of Peace – So after walking through and surviving the Ring of Fire, we can realise our core essence. If you shed away all the material possessions you hold that you feel define who you are. Your values. Your character. Your dreams. Your pure self.

Finally getting down to it…drafting that Love List
So ideally, for the love list to work. We have to list 100 qualities we want in our special partner in terms of REAL Genuine terms.

For example:

Love List no-no’s
1. Make enough money for us to afford 2 cars.
2. Come from a rich family background.
3. Have a slim slender body

Love List-ables
1. Have similar family values.
2. Have a good sense of humour.
3. Be a conversationalist.

Also, I also read that, when we make lists, we should omit the words, “don’t” “not” from our list.

For example, if you know you don’t want to date a cheap person, then write, I want to meet someone generous. 

I guess we have to focus on what we really want in our ideal partner, qualities, traits and characteristics. Do not focus on their possessions, or anything that is temporary.  

 Writing the Love List
So get a piece of paper. (preferably lined). Or if you prefer, open up MS Word, and start listing out ONE HUNDRED real and true qualities you look for in your ideal match. 

When you are finished, put it aside, and see whether your ideal person will walk into your life.

The idea is, you channel and clearly tell the universe what you want, and the universe will give it to you. (THANK YOU UNIVERSE!!!)

I didn’t expect this blog post to take so long to write (its now almost 2am!)  I’m going to sign off and sit on my bed, with my pen &  paper and write my love list. I am a bit boggled how on earth I’ll come up with 100 qualities (because honestly at the moment I only have 3 – loveable, caring and geeky)

Whatever you do. I say, hide the list. So that no one knows it except for you. Because, you can imagine the psychotic nightmare of someone finding your list, acting out all those qualities and tricking you into falling in love with him/her! (Fine, I admit, I watch too much TV…but still… you never know.)

If your love list does work, please let me know. I’d be super interested to find out, and it’s always lovely to hear a romantic story from time to time.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved.

Good luck and may love flow into our lives

Your romantic hopeful,
Stacy

How to Get Lucky in Love

Dear Readers,

Just clicked into cnn.com, and saw this article

How to get Lucky in Love 

It is quite a long article, but quite a good logical read. Click the oprah links inside the article if you had time. Anyways just wanted to share it.

Preparing my mind for what I want,
Stacy

I’m in 100% control of my own destiny.

Dear Readers,

I was hanging up my skirt (yes starting to hang up clothes…they are starting to pile..). As I opened my closet door, “Stacy’s 2009 Resolutions” appeared right in my face (I like to stick things on my walls/closet). 

I read through all my resolutions, and my affirmation bugs me a bit…

I’m in 100% control of my own destiny

I mean…I kinda am, but I kinda am not?

For example, say I really really liked this one person, and wished for something to come out of it, and did everything in my shy power to see it happen…it ended up not happening. It takes 2 hands to clap right?  Where is the 100% control then?

Or another example, this job thingy, really wanted it…worked hard getting it, did all the necessary/required homework for it. and it just wasn’t in the cards?

It wasn’t in the cards…

I guess that sums it up.   

This whole week I’ve been bitter about this bollocks 100% control of my own destiny thingy. And now I am kinda realising that I have been misinterpretting the whole thing. Destiny is fate and chance. Whereas I used to (up until 1 minute ago) define destiny as what I want.

Its quite a conflicting affirmation to have, because on one hand because I have 100% control – meaning that I direct what my future will be. But on the other hand, the inherent nature of destiny – meaning that my future is somewhat in the hands of fate and chance.

Can I  just say what I want and it will manifest itself?

Can I state what I want, do all the necessary steps to set myself up for an opportunity then  that said opportunity will manifest itself? but if it’s not meant to be…will it never manifest itself? ever?

Today, Pam wrote me an email that helped me put things in perspective (thanks babe!) I’m not going to somehow magically change my mood to positivity and dust all the saddness under the carpet. Because, like Pam says, its human to feel sad.  When I’m done with that, I’ll just pick myself up and start focusing again.

I’m going to make an active decision to try to think the best of whatever comes about, and if my emotions do sway, then I’ll just ride the tide.

Resolution 10: I am happy with life and open to the world.

Goodnight and thanks for reading ,
Stacy

Today I’m a complainer

Dear Readers,

Today I’m a complainer. 

Jeab treated me for my birthday lunch today, (THANK YOU!!) and you know, I’m trying to make an active effort to be all happy and all. But it is EXTREMELY HARD to do so after the walk from my office to Silom Complex. Andrea understands.

I can’t take living in Thailand in huge doses.

Today was really too much for me. Walking to Silom Complex, motorcycles zooming by, passing the market, and you know what, I was almost run down by a bicycle (OLD SKOOL BICYCLE) LADY!!!! She just came out of no where and was cycling straight towards me, and I did some ninja side block and pushed her shoulder away from me!

And over lunch, Jeab was asking me, so what do you want? where do you want to live? what do you want to do?

And I feel like screaming, “ARrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhh!” I seriously am trying my best to take a deep breathe and accept the circumstances that I do live in Bangkok? But it is way too much for me.

For example, when I’m walking pass the market….

1. The sidewalk is jaded, (so its difficult to walk with my high heels)

2. Freaky mosquito zapper vendor : Have you ever seen those minature looking tennis rackets that instead ZAP and murder mosquitos? When mosquitos fly into the racket they get *ZAPPED*, 50 volts of electricity (my estimate) shocks their system and they die trapped inside the grid. So…back to the complaint –> The vendor, he just stands there, with a metal wire and combs the racket, so you here, ZAP ZAP ZAP Pang ZAP ZAP ZAP. So disturbing!

3. People sitting on the sidewalk selling things/singing in ghetto microphones -> I’m not going to say much about this except state the fact. BUT – I’m a bit paranoid that they can look up my skirt as I pass by them…

You know, in December I found ‘happiness’ when I realised that one of the major things I want to do with my life is to surround myself with my family, and be there to look after them, care for them and to make their lives less stressful? After discovering that, everything came into place. Bangkok – it was part of that family package. 

As crappy as Bangkok is, I’ll deal with it because its comes hand in hand with being near my parents.

In my most ghetto pronounciation…Sic duc ham yu dei duc hot…It is this chinese proverb that says, if you are going to eat the salty fish, then you don’t complain about the thirst! BANGKOK IS SO DEHYDRATING!!!!! But yes … not suppose to complain.

Then with the whole shake up, how my parents now want me to leave Bangkok and start my own life somewhere else, throwing me away from that nest of comfort that I really need and want….now this whole happiness thing is diminishing minute by minute and I find myself spiralling into….well….just not a good place to spiral in.

 When I was walking back from lunch, I had to repeat over and over “find happiness again…find happiness again…find happiness again”

I have to kick myself out of this rut or else I’ll never get out of it. And start thinking positive so that positive things can flow into my life.

Ugh

Finding happiness,
Stacy

Heartbreak of 2009

Dear Readers,

Yay! Back from HK, I have to say, that the warm Bangkok weather is extremely comforting as opposed to HK’s frigid weather.

Although, I have lots to update and report about Cat and Charles’ wedding, I’m going to refrain today because I’m feeling extremely low.

I forgot whether I mentioned this, around this time every year, I experience some form of heart break. 2006 was matters of the heart, 2007 was about friendship, 2008 was earth shattering, and 2009 is about work career and just managing my expectations.

So I didn’t tell anyone this, but I did apply for a management trainee programme at a bank in HK. And all signs were pointing towards getting it, and it being a success. Not to blame anyone, but i just have a fabulous support group of friends, and my parents always believe in me that we all thought I would get it. Duc told me not to count my eggs before they hatched, and on monday night I typed, “remember all that egg counting thing? my eggs turned out to be unfertilised eggs!!” BOooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I don’t know whether it is pure physical exhaustion from Cat and Charles’ wedding, or emotional exhaustion (having all my dearest friends around me, then having to see them leave, makes me  miss them even more) but I feel as if I had the wind knocked out of me. I actually fell asleep at 730pm yesterday, then Jamie called me, we chatted a bit and I went to sleep at around 9ish. And I’m still so tired.

This morning my left eye was twitching alot, but just checked, seems like a positive thing…

7am – 9am

In the left eye, this means a close friend will come from afar.  

Anyhoo, I know that I have to get out of this rut, but all I want to do is lie down in bed forever and just wallow.

Remember how I am always saying, live in the present, and don’t see beyond a 1 year horizon? Well I was expecting to move to HK in August, and now that has gone *poof* out of the window. Really makes me wonder, am I really not allowed to think even 5 months ahead? And how much more do I have to work to get what I want? or be what they want me to be? 

And to hell with sounding all egotistic, I’m going to say it anyways! –> I had a really good resume! solid academics, and my work with AWARE looks good, my work experience looks alright (its a mgmt trainee thing, how much work experience do you need?) and i THOUGHT I got along with the interviewer quite well…

Its just really upsetting. To have all these hopes and expectations to move and change my life, settle in HK, and to have it taken away from me.

I guess it was really silly for me to shoot one arrow (one application) and *ping* think that I would hit the red target thingy (bull’s eye? is that what we call the red thingy in archery?).

boo

trying my best to not wallow,
Stacy

Heading to HK!!!

Dear Readers,

I can’t believe it is MARCH! OMG!! March!! I remember planning Cat and Charles’s wedding..and thinking that March was so far off in the distance. And here we are. March 3rd (technically 4th).

I’m finding that my voice to the universe is slightly becoming indecisive, and as such, my life isn’t going smoothly or how I want it to go. Wait..back track, it isn’t going the way I want because I don’t know what I want yet. A recent idea with Andrea and Heather came up, and I want it to happen so badly!!!

ARGH!! CONFLICT!! its really bothering me.

Anyways, I am so close to going to HK (leaving tmr) and I find myself eating more than usual. It is me doing some personal sabotage. bah.

If I didn’t mention it before. Catherine and Charles are getting married on March 8th, and all of us are flying to HK to partake in it! Can you imagine, around 20 friends from Singapore flying down! It is just a testament to how much they mean to us and how we all want to share such a special day with them.

And apparently, we are going out on Friday night! wow my first time going out in AGESSSSSSSSSSS!! With my dearest friends from Singapore! (the only way to party!) Really looking forward to it!!!
YAY HONG KONG!!!!!!

Gotta pack!
Stacy