Happy Bloody Anniversary

Today, August 28th 2008, marks my 1 year anniversary of moving back to Bangkok.

Exactly last year, I had lunch with Chris, had a teary goodbye with Kathy, and I distinctly remember at the customs:

Officer: Are you returning to Singapore? *glances and sees me with my guitar case, 2 carry ons and 2 layers of clothing*

Me: Yes.

I am such an optimist.

I don’t feel I like Bangkok any more, or any less. Life is the same. My room is the same, I haven’t moved into it nor have I made it more homey.  This morning I woke up extremely groggy, watched Joe Bidden on CNN and left the house for work extremely teary (what a touching speech! I’d vote for him as President next term!)

When I got to the office, it was the type of day where everything was haywire, and I fell into an extremely bitter mood. Bitter that I’m in Bangkok, I sincerely hate Bangkok, I hate how my life has changed so much 540 degrees. I would never on my own accord choose to live in Bangkok, this place is chaotic, dirty and foney (sp?).

Granted that I am not fluent in Thai, and I don’t have many Thai friends, I shouldn’t talk. But also, my personality doesn’t match Thai people, I find it a chore to go out there and develop meaningful relationships. And hence I just retreat and drown myself in my small world. As my wise soon-to-be-married friend told me, It’s a prison that you’ve imprisoned yourself in.   

It’s one of those things where, I know the solution to my problem in detail, the solution is within my reach, but I don’t have the heart to grab it.

I’ve dropped 2 dress sizes. Hurrah! My face is clear of any trace of acne thanks to my dermatologist, and I have to say that my health is so far good, I haven’t fallen ill once.

I was extremely bitter this morning, but when I left the office for the acupuncturist (Mom and Dad were worried about me, so took me to see a Chinese Doctor, they both sat with me in his office and told him about my dizzy spells) and during the drive home…I had a pensive moment.

My life is better in Bangkok. I did make the right choice to move back. And whenever I doubt my choice, I need only to look at my parents, and see how happy they are that I am home, and I feel much better. 

Let’s say if I stayed in Singapore, I don’t see how my life would be extra ordinary different as it was then. I was a party princess, a social butterfly, an womens-right activist, and on the road to becoming a successful banker. Looking at my future alternative life path – August 28th 2008, I am working too much OT at a private bank, having a blast with my friends, and I am still single.

No regrets. I made solid friendship bonds in Singapore that distance doesn’t matter.

So, despite the 5 emotional breakdowns, the lack of social life, the lack of human interaction…I know I made the right choice in coming home. My happiness comes from realising that my life is more meaningful when its spent with my family.

Happy Bloody Anniversary.